all i want for christmas!

'tis the season to be jolly -- or is it? for some reason this period (of peace and goodwill) brings out the grinch in me. honestly, it can be very trying especially to a constant whiner and a downright meanie like moi. traffic simply crawls to a stop everywhere and anywhere in the city; you suffer the multitudes of people at the mall; no cabs in sight and if there are any they rob you blind; you have parties ad nauseam (-- and i mean that literally!); you receive gifts you have no need for -- i know it's the thought that counts but what the f#ck do you do with a figurine?! all these just makes you want to scream, "serenity now!". whenever i start with the whining my sister would quickly remind me and just simply say "cancer cells". she's always telling me that every whine i make, every bad thought, every temper flare, every worry i have will produce toxins in my body and will activate my cancer cells. well that's a thought. so you stop, you take a deep breath and then you count your blessings.

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i look forward to the day i pack my bags and leave the city for my hometown. i look forward to spending time with my siblings and cousins. i look forward to seeing the faces of nieces and nephews as they open their gifts on christmas day. i look forward to the sumptuous meals prepared with love and care. i look forward to our yearly visit with the nuns at the carmelite monastery. i look forward to the "palaro" for the neighborhood kids. this year though, the reason why we gather at the family house in laoag, my lola -- the matriarch of the family, will not be there. but the memories will live on. so this christmas i look forward to tradition and the warmth and love of family and friends alike.