kuro kuro ng isang binibini

Can somebody please help me?! -- i don't remember where i read this from: "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void."

a friend of my uncle visited the house (in laoag) recently and he relayed that he saw my grandmother by the altar, my grandfather was seated by the piano and my aunt was by the stereo. at first i was comforted with the thought that they were with us but then i wondered. i was told once that a soul has 2 chances to "go towards the light" so to speak, on the 9th day and then on the 40th day after their death . what did my uncle's friend see -- their spirits or just a remnant of their old selves -- a memory perhaps? were they not able to crossover? i asked my sister the same question and she said maybe they just miss us. it made me cry of course. i recently saw an oprah episode where the guest was sharon stone. they briefly discussed her near death experience and she described death as something so near -- just there. she said that she felt her soul leave her body and then she felt a deep sense of well-being and calm that she was comforted. maybe it was her anuerysm talking ...

this is a quote from the Chronicles of Narnia written by C.S. Lewis which for me captures the true essence of eternity: "For us this is the end of all stories...But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world...had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read, which goes on forever and in which every chapter is better than before." how great for my lola at last her story can begin...

This is my response to a necrological service for my grandmother who passed away just last month. Good evening! The family thanks you for sharing the beautiful service with us. And we thank you for your presence here tonight in -- I don't want to say "in our time of grief" because although I am saddened with lola's passing -- I feel that it's a time for us to celebrate her life because she lived the fullest of lives. To start with she married a very handsome and dashing man in my lolo. She gave birth to 7 remarkable individuals, who in one way or another have enriched my life and the lives of others. She saw 16 grandchildren grow up to be somewhat "responsible adults" -- we try our best. And she was around to see 18 great grandchildren who gave her cause to smile, to laugh and to sing. I have a treasure throve of memories of my lola all of which I will always cherish (for the rest of my life). There's one that I'd like to share with all of you to...